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Get The Chap Newsletter by email:Royal Opera House Puts Polyester on Bill
The Chap has received an urgent missive from a staff member at The Royal Opera House. The victim, who wishes to remain anonymous, writes: “On February 1st my esteemed employer, The Royal Opera House, will adopt a new uniform for its front-of-house staff. This entirely vile uniform is composed of a grey M&S suit (lightweight [...]
Comments (2)Museum Director Sparks Neckwear Crisis
The first foreign director of the V&A museum, Professor Martin Roth, has publicly denounced the decline of neckties worn by British men, in an interview with Country Life magazine. The 57-year-old German professor and former general director of the Dresden State Art Collection bemoaned slipping sartorial standards in Britain, declaring “nobody seems to wear a [...]
Comments (11)Croatia Promotes Anti-Chap Legislation
It is a sad day indeed when a chap cannot recline post-stroll on a weather-wood bench and strike up his loyal briar. So when Mr. Gaute Hauglid-Formo from Norway alerted Chap HQ to this provocative sign banning pipe smoking in a scenic park on the island of Sipan – just off the Dubrovnik coast of [...]
Comments (21)Last Few Tickets Left for the Chap’s Annual Shindig
Tickets are disappearing fast for the Third Grand Anarcho-Dandyist Ball on Saturday 3rd December. This Chap annual spectacular is hosted by Viv the Spiv and features star turns from Professor Elemental, Fat 45 and others, as well as our usual array of peculiar sideshows, including Jeeves Dating, Lipstick & Curls, Afternoon Tea and a retro [...]
Comments (0)Calls for “Basher” Assad to Step Down
Syrian President Bashar “Basher” al-Assad is facing growing calls from the international community to step down. According a mysterious local source known only as ‘Babu’, there is a general consensus of opinion that as-Assad should not be allowed to continue competing in the Movember moustache-growing competition, due to the puniness of his facial fuzz. Delegates [...]
Comments (18)Moustaches Become Good for your Health
Every November, normal men all over the world get the chance to take the first step towards Chapdom by cultivating a moustache for charity. The aim of the campaign is to raise funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men. From 1st November, men can register at Movember.com [...]
Comments (11)The Third Grand Anarcho-Dandyist Ball in Pictures
The Chap’s annual shindig on 3rd December was a spectacular soiree attended by the most eccentric of trouser, rakishly angled of headwear, co-respondent of shoe and brilliantined of barnet in the whole land. With a broad theme of spivs/cads/bounders/femmes fatales/dembob darlings, the Chap’s sartorially astute and imaginative followers managed to fill the vast 1937 Ballroom [...]
Comments (4)Dorset Hatter Crowns Cowboy Legend
A British wax sculptor working for an American waxwork museum on a waxwork of cowboy legend John Wayne was in need of the right kind of stetson for the deceased Hollywood actor’s formidable bonce. Mike Wade, world-renowned Bridport wax sculptor, contacted Roger Snook of Bridport Hatters to seek advice. Mr. Wade was trying to locate [...]
Comments (17)Chap Olympiad Soldiers on through Driving Rain
The seventh Chap Olympiad, on Saturday 16th July, got off to a damp start, as monsoon-like weather bucketed down on Bedford Square Gardens all morning. Many of the contestants arrived by Kayak. Many of the ticket-holders didn’t arrive at all, but huddled in local hostelries waiting for their sundances to bear fruit. The organisers were [...]
Comments (26)Full Timetable of Olympiad Events
1.00 Opening Ceremony: The principal contestants assemble behind the Olympic Pipe Rack. Gustav Temple lights the Olympic Pipe and passes it among the contestants. The Olympic Mascot places the Pipe on to the pipe rack. 1.20 The Pipeathlon: Contestants must complete a 10-yard course using three disciplines – pipe smoking, cycling and being carried by [...]
Comments (26)Extra Features added to Chap Olympiad
There are only four days to go before the Seventh Chap Olympiad. That is four more days of rigorous training – and will explain the enormous quantity of chaps dressed head to toe in tweed, constantly checking their trouser creases while getting in and out of taxicabs. These fellows are ensuring their trousers maintain their [...]
Comments (40)Chap’s drinks writer bottles own single malt
Neil Ridley, esteemed and, surprisingly, occasionally sober beverage editor for The Chap, has seized the opportunity to release his very first single cask Scotch Whisky, cutting out the middle man betwixt he and the tempting barrels of whisky in the Scottish Highlands. The bottling, labelled ‘Cask Strength And Carry On’, is a 1998 vintage single [...]
Comments (9)BBC Dresses Doctor in Chinese Tweed
The BBC has betrayed British industry by ordering replicas of the now-iconic Doctor Who costume from China instead of Scotland. The current Doctor, Matt Smith, made his debut in the children’s television programme wearing an authentic vintage 1960s Harris Tweed jacket. The pattern turned out to have been discontinued, and fans inundated the Harris Tweed [...]
Comments (67)Popular Stationmaster Sacked for Removing Trolley
An award-winning station master has been sacked for breaching health and safety rules, after removing a shopping trolley from the tracks to prevent it derailing a train. Ian Faletto has been a stationmaster for 27 years, during which time he has won several awards for customer service, including one for a Lifetime Achievement. Mr. Faletto, [...]
Comments (43)Last of the European Playboys Dies
German playboy Gunter Sachs committed suicide at his chalet in Gstaad aged 78. He was a scion of the Opel motor dynasty, European bobsleigh champion 1958 and the third husband of Brigitte Bardot. Sachs first met Brigitte Bardot at San Tropez in 1966. She was drinking champagne with friends in a bar when she spotted [...]
Comments (15)Chap of the Year – the Final Contestants
Tragically, the first Chap of the Year contest has had to be cancelled, due to licensing problems with the venue. The Chap offers its sincere condolences to the men and women pictured here, who had probably been subjecting themselves to vigorous training regimes in order to pit their gentlemanly and gentlewomanly skills against each other [...]
Comments (25)Chap of the Year – Round Nine
Round Eight has now closed and the winner was Paul Dauny. Round Nine features three runners-up from previous rounds. Ten candidates will eventually be selected for the live Chap of the Year contest on 21st May. To book tickets, visit Ticketweb Edward Marlowe: “I wish to nominate Mr. Edward Marlowe for your ‘Chap of the [...]
Comments (90)David Cameron to Wear Morning Dress
Prime Minister David Cameron has caved in to royal protocol and announced that he will, after all, wear a morning suit to the Royal Wedding on 29th April. Mr. Cameron had initially expressed a bizarre desire to wear a lounge suit to the wedding, but this turned out to have been a drunken whim fuelled [...]
Comments (26)Chap of the Year – Round Eight
Ten candidates will eventually be selected for the live Chap of the Year contest on 21st May. To book tickets, visit Ticketweb Alexsander Mausheim: “I wish to most publicly accept Mr. Actaurius’ personal challenge to me, and throw my “cardboard titfer” into the ring for the chance to be considered as a candidate for the [...]
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