The sixth Chap Olympiad was another roaring success. The damp fields of Bloomsbury provided a familiar backdrop to an Olympiad with a few original touches. With no official sponsor, there were no corporate banners looming over the proceedings, and our co-hosts Bourne & Hollingsworth ensured the athletes were kept lubricated with a steady flow of ale, Pimm’s and cocktails. Total attendance exceeded one thousand souls, and it would be fair to say that each and every one of them was more splendidly turned out than one per cent of the audience at this year’s Lawn Tennis Tournament.
A sprinkling of new events was showcased this year, none of them having the benefit of actual trials involving humans, or indeed gentlemen. The most spectacular of these proved to be Umbrella Jousting, in which two contestants battled it out in the mediaeval tradition, armed with umbrellas, reinforced copies of broadsheet newspapers and bowler hats. This was the only event in which blood was drawn, but Miss Louise Quatorze took it in her stride, refusing all medical assistance except someone to replenish her hookah.
Another of our new events was Tug of Hair, in which our Olympic Mascot, Atters, subjected the 20-foot moustache he had grown especially for the occasion to a rigorous yank by ten chaps and chapettes on either side of him. It was only a particularly slippery section of extra-waxed tip that caused one of the teams to lose their grip, and prevent Mr. Attree from a humiliating and painful dewhiskering.
Once again the Chap Olympiad proved that while the British may be rather short on sporting prowess, we are never to be outdone when it comes to the matter of displaying panache – even when that involves wearing a camel mask and hopping over picket fences with a drunken lady on one’s back, cracking one’s thighs with a riding crop.
The overall victors were: Gold Cravat – Mr Farhan Rasheed; Silver Cravat – The Chairman; Bronze Cravat – Miss Louise Quatorze
Our devoted thanks go to Monty Cantsin, for his sibilant tones keeping the momentum going all afternoon; to the Olympic stewards, for making each event appear and disappear as if by magic; and to The Chap Olympic Committee, who simply muttered, upon our enquiry about this year’s event, “Oh, is it July already? Well, carry on, carry on, and don’t forget to lock up afterwards.”
For those interested in reliving the whole experience, please visit this tweed cycling site, which contains a rather splendid film of the Olympiad: SFTweed.com
