The One-Armed Cufflink Bandit

A one-armed man walked into a jewellery shop in Essex and distracted staff while he made off with a single cufflink. The thief pretended to be looking for a present for his mother, when he knocked boxes of cufflinks on the floor and ran off with one in the shape of a boxing glove.

The gold cufflink from CJ Vinten in Leigh-on-Sea, Essex, is worth £120 and police have issued CCTV footage of the thief. Sally Ann Manthorp, who works at the shop, said: “It wasn’t until we watched the CCTV we saw he had an empty sleeve tucked in his pocket.” Police confirmed that a man fitting the same description was acting suspiciously in other shops, so jewellers in the area have been alerted.

The Chap is impressed that this unfortunately disabled fellow seeks to attach his cuffs in the proper manner, but would rather he had chosen a less vulgar design. This proves that cufflinks in themselves are not necessarily the answer to all our sartorial woes. Still, at least he wasn’t stealing a single plimsoll or a single denim trouser.

February 12, 2010

25 Comments »

Comment by Plum — February 12, 2010 @ 4:01 pm

Mixed feelings about this one, chaps. On the one hand, good to see the criminal classes at least aspiring to dress properly. Should definitely be considered in mitigation of sentence. On the other, this bloody jobbernowl pinched one half of a decent fellow’s pair of cuff clasps, thus making the morning ritual that much more difficult and time consuming! On the whole, can’t say I approve.

Comment by Drax — February 13, 2010 @ 3:11 am

As a man who has lost many a single cufflink and sought vainly for a solitary replacement; I can sympathise with the desperate measure that this fellow was forced to!

Comment by Anelie — February 13, 2010 @ 2:42 pm

Surely the question here is how on earth a one-armed man manages to attach a cufflink to his cuff? Double-jointed wrist?

Comment by Plum — February 14, 2010 @ 12:21 am

Anelie, your observation reminds one of that Zen whatsit about the sound of one hand clapping. It’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle and all held together with a single cuff link–probably one of Drax’s missing ones at that!

Comment by Aubrey "Gentleman" James Beech — February 15, 2010 @ 12:29 am

I can only express my woah that a man civilised enough to wear a cufflink on his remaining sleeved arm must share his moniker with a lower class gambling machine.

Then again, any one willing to steal a single cufflink styled as a boxing glove, perhaps, is not exactly of higher class character.

Comment by Don Coyote — February 16, 2010 @ 7:03 pm

All credit to the fellow for sporting cuff-linked shirts but one simply cannot condone his method of acquiring them, whether or not he only requires one.
For that reason he simply is not a chap and no mitigating argument should be put forward in his defence.

Comment by Rt Hon 'Mad Dog' Cavanagh — February 19, 2010 @ 3:22 pm

While not a chap do these actions classify him as a cad?

Comment by Plum — February 20, 2010 @ 1:55 am

Cad or perhaps bounder, no doubt with a comical limp and asymmetrical ears, what-what? (the criminal classes often having such peculiarities)

Comment by Michael Dean Miller — February 20, 2010 @ 3:45 am

Perhaps this is the ruffian who’s purloined my other sock..

Comment by Cris Whetton — February 22, 2010 @ 10:17 am

Lacking both an arm and a valet, I am occasionally forced to ask my wife to assist with cuff-links, bow ties, etc. However, most of my cuff-links are true cuff-links: two identical pieces connected by a chain. These can be fitted to the cuff before dressing, leaving me just enough room to wiggle a hand through unaided.

Comment by Lord Smuddger — February 25, 2010 @ 6:24 pm

Look here, this fellow is just a cad. What one would like to know is,was it a left arm cuff-link that was purloined in this manner? Because, if it was, I could go to same shop to purchase the right arm cuff-link as I am limbed in the singular.I have great difficulty with driving the Rolls when it comes to hand signals in the right direction.

Comment by Andrew Johnstone — February 25, 2010 @ 10:08 pm

On the one hand, I have nothing against him. On the other. Sorry, hang on a mo, I do not have “the other”. Blast.

Comment by Andrew Johnstone — February 25, 2010 @ 10:10 pm

Sent that last one off to bally soon. One wonders if the suspect is a national of a country in regions Arabian and might have tried a similarly light-fingered trick back home once too often…

Comment by The Earl of Essex — February 27, 2010 @ 7:10 pm

I’m afraid it really is not the done thing for a chap to be seen around town, without being able to shoot his cuff(s); The fact that the man is a common ‘tea-leaf’, is merely par for the course in certain parts of the County.

Comment by James Hutchings — March 2, 2010 @ 7:13 pm

“we can’t all be moralists, and the distribution of wealth is all wrong anyway.”

Raffles.

Comment by Lord Smuddger — March 3, 2010 @ 10:26 pm

I think a bounder like this should be stood up against a wall and shot, without delay! Too much sympathy is a bad thing. What!!

Comment by James Hutchings — March 13, 2010 @ 12:15 pm

He’s the dandy highwayman you’re not too scared to mention. He spends no cash on looking flash, nor grabbing your attention.

Comment by Robert Sullivan Esq. — March 18, 2010 @ 2:02 pm

A cufflink with a boxing glove? If one simply must steal something, rather than buy it, then one should at least steal something desirable!

The vagrant should choose his swag more carefully in future.

Comment by H. H. — March 27, 2010 @ 6:49 pm

As I replenished my bowl, then drew thoughtfully on my Golden Vanilla, I gazed into the logs crackling in the hearth and pondered on this tale. I was put in mind of the Victorian gentlemen thief. Maybe, just maybe, it was wheeze conducted by a modern day Raffles and the bally cove was actually in disguise.

Comment by Robert — April 6, 2010 @ 5:25 pm

Anelie – Presumable his man attaches it for him. Alternatively, perhaps her attaches the cufflink before slipping his arm into the sleeve.

Nothing is more vulgar than calling something vulgar.

Comment by Flt Lt Tarquin 'Tarky' Blundell-Sandes — June 6, 2010 @ 8:40 pm

I often get a junior NCO to do up my cufflinks. The cry of: ‘You there, that man there’ is the usual non familiar you’ll do you earthy plebian type comment which actually gets a quick and forthright response.
Back on subject, a one armed cufflink stealing criminal. Odd, I doubt he’d be wearing it, maybe he was stealing it for the chap he was putting it on for?

Comment by The Rt Hon Lord Hugo Reginald Watford-Gap QC MP DCL GBE GCSE HND DSS(Cantab) DWP(Oxon) — June 23, 2010 @ 8:47 pm

Forgive the deviation from the Chappist Constitution’s 7th edit, but (spoken in an affected “mockney” beloved of Messrs R. Van Dyke, E. Doolittle & Company), but I feel compelled to observe “Aaah leeeave ‘im alown, ‘e’s doing no ‘arm”.

I think a dose of Callard & Bowser’s fine confection of Altoids, the curiously strong mint is in order to soothe one’s vocal chords. After all one needs to alleviate oneself of that most modern of ailments, beloved of personal injury lawyers and social welfare claimants alike: PTSD, the Proletariat Translational Stress Disorder.

Tally ho!

Comment by The Honourable Jeremy Skcollob — July 16, 2010 @ 2:14 pm

I am astonished to hear that cufflinks ( or any gentlemans attire )is available in the county of Essex , The vagabond responsible is obviously attemping a bid for freedom from the carbuncle of that name. he has the good sense to know that the correct attire will be needed to blend unnoticed in a more desirable area, though I do suggest the normal method of aqisition , a one armed man has many avenues to explore for employment , pointing . Pointing is an option or pressing with a digit possibilities are endless ………..

Comment by Sir Barnaby Damascus Bumblecock (Q.C) — July 30, 2010 @ 4:47 pm

Alarming though it may seem, I am currently a couple of sheets to the wind following a splendid luncheon at the club, and have nothing to say on the matter.

Comment by Reginald Lionel Mint — September 1, 2010 @ 9:58 pm

Yes, well one should certainly not expect that you unduly put yourself out under such circumstances, Barnaby. Indeed, I’ve somewhat of a gin wobble to my walk at the moment, as well.

Cheers,

Reggie

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The One-Armed Cufflink Bandit

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