Psycho Dandy

A man has vowed to shave off his handlebar moustache after being convicted of assaulting some teenage boys who mocked his pride and joy.

Charles Law was taunted by a group of boys while taking money from a cash machine last Christmas Eve. They allegedly shouted: "Nice moustache. Where'd you get it?" Law confronted the group and threatened them, claiming to be armed with a knife, the court heard. One of the teenagers went to the police and Law was arrested.

He appeared in St Albans Crown Court Wearing a brown tweed jacket, bright red moleskins, a checked shirt, watch chain and carefully folded red handkerchief. Law promised to shave off his moustache, cultivated for 26 years, as a step towards more restrained behaviour. "It's a shame but it has to go," he said outside court, "I've had it since I was 22 and at one point it was up to 16 inches long. I will miss it."

Sentencing, Judge John Plumstead said he was worried that community service would lead Law into further confrontations and he sentenced him to a compensation order, ordering him to pay £75 to each of the three boys. He summed up by saying: "I have mixed feelings about your decision to give up the moustache. It is plainly a matter of pride, and it must have taken a great deal of time to develop." There was nothing wrong with his chosen appearance, he added, but Mr. Law should have expected some comment. "I hope the boys have now learned that to pick on someone because of their appearance is wrong. This moustache is an object of considerable distinction."

The Chap, whose editorial staff are occasionally on the receiving end of casual insults and mockery on account of their eccentric appearance and striking facial furniture, at first sympathised with Mr. Law, even in the light of previous court appearances for affray and threatening behaviour. But when one discovers that Law also has a conviction for manslaughter - he was jailed in 2000 for four years after he stabbed his brother to death - one realises that this is no mere eccentric, but someone who has delved rather too deeply into the darker side of dandyism and moustache cultivation. Let us give thanks that for every crazed Charles Law, there are a dozen jovial Jimmy Edwards.